Wednesday, May 17, 2006

It is El Warmo in here. I have to put up the window AC units soon. It's nearly midnight and i'm sitting in my living room mopping sweat from my face. My allergies are kicking in too. I could really use that seminar.

(If you don't catch the Rubin and Ed references above you really need to see it. Let me know and I'll lend you a copy.)

Today Richard Guhn came back. Actually he came back on Saturday, and Monday, and Tuesday, and again today. We will probably see him tomorrow. It took him three days to wash the windows. I'm afraid he's officially back.

He asked me if I am the devil again. He said that in the past several months he worked for some lady who turned out to be the devil and so he had to come back to Utah. I asked him if he would leave and never come back if I was the devil and he said "probably". So I have the basis of a plan. The problem is, how do I inform him that I am Satan himself without coming off like a total jerk? Or worse, what if he goes nuts and stabs me in the eye or something? You never know with the homeless. You just never know.

He insists on talking to all the customers. He tells them the most outlandish things. You don't have to talk to the guy for more than 15 seconds to know he's insane.

Today he told a customer that he wrote a book in 1981 that predicted an increase in the price of diesel fuel relative to the price of gasoline due to an increase in diesel powered passenger vehicles. Don't bother looking for it on Amazon. Trust me. It isn't there.

I think that our problem is rooted in our proximity to the bus stop. All sorts of wierdos wander over from the bus stop. What is it about wierdos and the bus? It's like riding the bus is a prerequisite to being eccentric. It's true. Maybe you could extrapolate from that, and say that the vehicle you drive has a direct relationship with your mental health. Hmmm. . .

I drive a 1963 Ford Galaxie. It's kind-of the ultimate "Googie" car. (Thanks for the education on Googie, Carina. Now I know the name of the style I like so much.) Anyway, what does that say about me? Or what does riding scooters say about me?
Am I just a few steps from riding the bus? Am I likely to have a psychotic break and handcuff myself to the monorail at Disneyland? Could be. I just pulled that monorail thing off the top of my head. What does that say about me? Maybe I am the biggest wierdo of them all.

I used to wonder if everything and everyone in the world were just an elaborate put-on that God was using to test me. Kind of like Jim Carrey in the Truman Show, but I thought of it first. As a child I was pretty convinced it was true, but I just knew that if I asked someone God would step in and say, "Okay, show's over. You blew it." So I never asked anyone, and went on with the show. I should have cashed in my chips before the stakes got so high.

Is it all just staged?

Are you the devil or one of his minions?

By the way, remind me to tell you the "conversation over" story. It was pretty funny.


AzĂșcar said...

Happy to be of service.
Your story reminds me of when I worked for a temp agency that was also located next to a bus stop. Hair raising.

~j. said...

I enjoy your blog. Carina sent me here.

This post reminds me of a time, almost 8 years ago, when I had to ride the bus to work. Guess who I met at the bus stop? A man named...well, Jesse the Prophet from the Book of Mormon. He told me that's who he was, even showed me a photocopy of a page of scripture to 'prove' it.

The Scooter Lounge said...

Photocopies are pretty compelling evidence. Maybe you should have believed him. Richard Guhn showed me a note from a Provo Librarian who said that he did in fact study there to prove that he was a CIA operative.

Erin said...

We saw Richard Guhn today! No joke! My fiance and I were having a talk on the steps of the library and he approached us and started to tell us his plan to save the world, stop hunger, become immortal, rejuvenate his childhood and stop all wars and diseases. It was quite fascinating. He also claimed to have worked for the government, the LDS church (in charge of building all temples, supposedly). He even showed us that note from the provo librarian! We just had to come home and google him to see what it came up with! You're probably right about the bus stop thing.

Peggy said...

My name is Peggy. I did a Google search for my brother, Richard Guhn when I came across this blog. Am an positive the man you are talking about is my brother. He is mentally ill. Last night his father passed away and we are desperately trying to find him. PLEASE if you see him do NOT tell him about his father. He has a very large loving family but with his illness we are unable to help him. If you can help us in locating him, Please contact me at Any information would be helpful. One more note, I realize the insanity of his delusions and stories but keep in mind until his early twenties, he was the best brother anyone could wish for. Thank you for any help.

johnguhn said...

I'm Richard Guhn's older brother Johnny. Peggy is our sister. My dad (and Rick's dad) did die 2/6/08. We have been trying to locate where Rick is since dad was put on life support 2/3/08.If anyone reads mine or Peggy's comment I'm sure it will be far after Rick has been found but if it is close to the date I have entered in this message please have him call my cell phone at 214-538-5636. Thank you in advance for any help anyone can give in helping us locate him.