Friday, May 05, 2006


I hate instant message abbreviations. The one I hate the most is LOL. For those of you who don't know (as if anyone is reading this anyway), LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud.

I don't need someone to tell me when to laugh, or how to laugh for that matter. If something you said is funny, it's funny. If it's not, well it certainly doesn't help to insert an acronym. Was there ever an acronym that was humorous? I have an acronym for all you LOL users: FU

How about instead of using the pre-recorded laugh track on stupid sitcoms like Will and Grace, they just flash the caption LOL on the screen whenever they make a joke. That would be great. I can see it now:
Grace: "Oh Will, I love you but you're gay!"
Jack: "Oh Will, I love you butt too!"
LO freaking L

LOL is like the pre-recorded laugh track for the internet.

Seriously, don't LOL anymore. You aren't funny, and you are making yourself look bad. "I'm going to the mall LOL, and then I'm going to talk on my cell phone LOL about my new shoes LOL and my LOL hairstyle!"

But one internet word that hasn't made it into the popular lexicon is dotcom-- at least not in the way I envision it. Proper usage follows: "People who use LOL are so lame. They are"
Even dotedu and dotorg could be used. "How was your date?" "he was totally dorky. dot edu" or "she's kind of a hippie dot org."

I'm feeling really surly tonight. I spent the entire day at a wedding though so cut me some slack. I had to wear a tie all day. Do you know what ties do to fatheads like me? That's right, Splitting Headache. You might as well put a noose around my neck as to make me wear a tie all day.

Adding insult to injury, I had to wear a tuxedo at the reception. Yeah I looked like a million bucks, but something about formal wear gives me really terrible gas. I swear it's the truth. Ask any of my prom dates.

The whole wedding experience needs an overhaul. Here's what I propose: Make a list of all the people you would normally invite and send them each a bill for fifty bucks. If you like them a lot, throw in a kick in the crotch for good measure. Then get Mom and Dad on both sides to write you a huge check for the amount a reception and the associated festivities would have cost. Then after the honeymoon send each person a piece of cake with a half-inch of crisco frosting on the outside and youv'e got yourself the same experience with half the hassle and twice the loot.

Seriously, I would pay you not to rent me a tux and not to invite me to your wedding. It's like double coupon day. You save the expense of the tux rental, and I give you a bonus on top. That's a solid deal. LOL

1 comment:

AzĂșcar said...

I despise LOL, because, really, DID YOU LOL? I like your usage outlines, might have to put them into practice.

J, my other half, feels the same way about ties.

As for the crisco frosting, you need a better cake maker!

Weddings don't have to be torturous, you just need a bride or groom with a little imagination. Too often these days brides or grooms 'just want to get the whole thing over with' so they have a standard reception with the line, and the tuxes, etc.
If I had a nickle for every time a bride came to me and said "I want a white cake/fondant white cake with roses in the middle." You and everyone else on earth. Do something fun! It's the last big party you're having for a while!