Friday, July 07, 2006

English 110
Mr. Williams
Immigration assignment

I hate immigrants. I shoot them every day.

It seems the new hot-button topic electioneers have pressed upon our collective American conscience is immigration. Why? Because it is divisive and generates strong feelings. The "problem" of immigration is really no different now than it was ten years ago. What has happened is that certain Karl Rove types have found a way to get Americans to vote. The reason is fear. They recognize a post 9/11 fear of immigrants, and they have chosen to capitalize on it. They would have us believe that America is in danger of being overrun by Mexicans. (Most Americans think anyone with brown skin is Mexican so I will use that term to mean all Latinos.) We are supposed to believe that Mexicans are clogging up our schools, depleting our resources, stealing our cars, raping our wives, bankrupting our hospitals, and taking our jobs. If we don't act now, we will all be forced to learn Spanish and eat beans all day, while brown-skinned people give us pocket change to wash the windows of their Humvees. Basically they want us to be afraid of Mexicans polluting our culture.

Do you see the irony here? We are supposed to prevent these people from coming here because they will adopt our lifestyle, which by some very flawed logic will make our lifestyle inferior. I ask you, how will their getting ahead put us behind? That's just Playground Politics based on the idea that there is only room for a few at the top and that our place on top must be preserved by stomping on the heads and hands of any who dare approach. The secret they don't want us to know is that the top can and will get higher if we help others to prosper. Can we grow up just a little and recognize this fact?

These electioneers have now successfully divided public opinion into two basic camps: The first camp is the one that espouses the doctrine of shoot first and ask questions later. These are the people that give Americans a bad name the world over. If you have ever traveled abroad and felt that others were looking down their noses at you because you are an obese, T-shirt wearing, gun-toting redneck, blame these people. These people would vote Republican if Satan himself were the candidate, because better Satan than some draft-dodging pansy.

The other, much larger camp is the one whose vote politicians are really after. These are the people who voted Republican before, or had pre-existing Republican tendencies, but after the Bush II debacle might be persuaded to choose a different option. Last time we were swayed by fear of a disintegrating family, but that's a bit overdone, so this time it's fear of Mexicans they count on to get us to the polls. They know we will vote for the guy who says, "I support immigration, just so long as it's done legally." (Seems reasonable enough, as long as we don't find out that each night he goes home to his immaculate estate where Guillermo tends the garden and Consuela cleans the floors.) This strategy is sure to get us a puppet like Bush again instead of a more knowledgeable, rational person. Rational people don't get votes when the electorate is panicked about irrational fears. Electioneers know this.

Why are we afraid? Is it because of the few real problems brought on by illegal immigration, or is it because we buy the hype?

You know what is much scarier than illegal aliens? An America without illegal immigrants, that's what. Legal or not, we need these people here. Our economy is entirely based on cheap labor, it always has been. Almost everything we buy now is made in some other country where labor is abundant. What little we find in stores that wasn't made in Mexico or China, was made by cheap domestic laborers, most of them illegal. Yes it's unfair to them, but if the cost of labor goes up, the cost of EVERYTHING goes up. And last time I checked, American citizens don't work cheap, we are far to educated and entitled for such degradation.

Some municipalities are passing laws imposing stiff fines on any employer or landlord of illegal aliens. Good job you big-mac-munching bags of cellulite! The result will be two-fold: 1. Nobody with brown skin will be able to find a job or an apartment in your fair cities, including those with real documents. 2. All the people with brown skin will move out of your cities and very soon your businesses will start dropping like flies. Your McDonalds' and your Wal-Marts will be the first to go, and they're your favorite stores! Smooth. Real Smooth. We rednecks call this "shooting yourself in the foot." (Though truth be told, more rednecks shoot themselves in the crotch.)

Face the facts: Unless you want your hotel bed made by a fifteen year old runaway crackhead who turns tricks in it while you're at the pool, you want Mexican immigrants. Unless you want to pay $25 dollars for a watermelon, you want Mexican immigrants. Unless you want to spend an extra 50 grand on your new home because it was built by White-Power Bill instead of Speedy Gonzales, you want Mexican immigrants. Unless you want your restaraunt food cooked by a pimple-faced, crotch-itching, nailbiting nosepicker from Magna, you want Mexican immigrants. (Have you noticed that the cooks at nearly every restaraunt are brown? Unless you eat at Taco Bell, in which case they are probably the Magna-ites with jock-itch anyway.)

Are illegal aliens really dangerous? Do you know how many of the September 11 highjackers got in illegally? Look here or here or here

Maybe we should stop legal immigration too.

Clearly the argument that people just need to come legally is fatally flawed. It presupposes that these people actually can come legally. Under current immigration law it's next to impossible for most Latin-Americans to immigrate to the United States. The closer to the border you live, the harder.

Think about it. The reason the border with Canada is so easy to cross is that up north people aren't starving to death hoping one day to afford a ten by ten cinderblock building to "live" in.

Now people want to spend all sorts of money on a wall spanning the entire US/Mexico border. In case you are thinking this is a good idea, let me explain it to you in words you'll understand: This is not a good idea. If we judiciously invested that money in the Mexican economy instead, it would result in a much greater reduction of illegal immigration and the effects would last longer and actually pay dividends. Just ask Bono. Thats exactly what he's doing in Africa. He may be a rock star, but he knows what he's talking about. If you doubt me, download the free NBC interview with him on iTunes.

On the other hand, if we build the wall, it may end up serving to keep Americans from sneaking into Mexico to get jobs when our economy nosedives as a result of it.

The bottom line is: people don't risk their lives to come here illegally on a whim. Would you? Unless you are a student who has passed the TOEFL and has vastly more capital than the average Latino, or are an educated specialist in a technical field, or are wealthy enough in your own country to really have no need to seek a better life here, forget coming legally. Americans don't want you here and the law is not in your favor. Not only that, if you try to sneak into our country our self-appointed paramilitary border patrol which has appropriated for itself the once noble title of "minutemen" will shoot and kill you. No one will even know you were here when you are buried two feet deep on a Texas ranch.

And that is why I hate illegal aliens and I shoot them every day. Satan for President. San Dimas High School Football Rules!


AzĂșcar said...

You are AWESOME.

I agree one million percent (I agree so much that it broke math.)

The Scooter Lounge for President!

The Scooter Lounge said...

Thanks. I'm afraid a lot of people will disagree with me, but I'm right. Right?

tiff-fay-fay said...

You're right. Plus, how can you be wrong when yelling 'San Dimas High School Footbal Rules!'??

La Yen said...

My dad used to live across the street from SDHS. It does, in fact, rule. But the Ziggy Piggy is fictitous.
I completely agree with you, and I live in a border town. I think we are getting the wall, because Governor Chet is building it already in Texas. We also have minutemen on the border. They haven't shot anyone, yet, though. The only problem I have with the borders is the amount of Las Drogas that come over every week. This week alone they have found over $1 mil in weed. Come on. So I am for tighter security, but I know that mis amigos are not going to fly a plane into the Hyundai Dealership on Lee Trevino Blvd.

Also, I would rather pay $25 for a watermelon than pick it in a field in Salinas. That is how ugly American I am.

AzĂșcar said...

Hey, they found 1 mil in weed in Utah the other day. We have so much in common...

The Scooter Lounge said...

I love weed. Me and my buddies all smoke up after we shoot immigrants. Nobody cares they got shot, cuz nobody knows they were here. That's something worth lighting up a doobie for!