Monday, December 18, 2006

Well, it's a week from Christmas and I haven't blogged for a while. So here goes:

We had a big sale on Saturday. It also dumped about 8 inches of snow on Saturday. Guess how the sale went? That's right, it was craptacular. It was a non-stop crap-fest. We opened at 8AM with door prizes for the first ten customers in the door. By six PM when we closed we still had 7 door prizes left.

We mailed out about 400 invitations to the sale. We spent more on the postage than we took in the entire day.

That should set the tone for the rest of this post. Now you can see where I'm coming from.

Today my wife insisted that I write the Christmas letter for our friends and family. This was a great idea since I'm so full of Christmas cheer and holiday spirit. I spent all day on the letter trying really hard to make it cheerful, or funny, or anything but sarcastic and pessimistic. I failed.

The closing paragraph went something like this: "Now for the obligatory Christmas message: Merry Freaking Christmas."

My wife didn't like it so she rewrote the whole thing. I should have gone with my first instinct and written it Mad Lib style. Letting the readers choose the adjectives would have worked out well. I could have imagined that every adjective was a derivative of the word "Crap" as I wrote, but readers would have been able to think up their own saccharine sentences. That would have been doable.

Instead, my wife wrote about how wonderful our kids are and how rewarding her work at the hospital is and how my store still hasn't caved in or burned down. She has a way of looking on the bright side of things.

Merry Freaking Christmas fellow bloggers. May your hearts be full of (noun) this (adjective) season.

4 comments:

tiff-fay-fay said...

I'm sorry about your sale. I was in Texas for a week as my brother dropped the 'I'm getting married Dec 15th' on the entire family 2 weeks ago.

I have decided that Christmas sagas are overrated. I mean does everyone really want to read: 'Merry Christmas everyone. My husband decided we weren't worth his time anymore and left at the start of the holiday season. So how's your life?' Didn't seem like a surefire way for me to lift people's spirits so I just decided to let bygones be gone. They'll probably "get it" when I send a picture of me & the girls next year without Cornholio.

Merry Freaking Christmas :)

Marty said...

I am not a big fan of the Christmas Letter, but I am sure yours was GREAT!!

Sorry about the sale. I did write you and ask you about some things I wanted to buy.

I am conflicted this year. I am leaving a job I love, and so Christmas isn't really great, but people have gotten wind of that, and have been leaving things for us. I appreciate their generosity, but we aren't doing THAT bad.

Send me out that tap!!

Have a Merry Freakin'Christmas, and a Happy hippy new year.

How do I win that Elite?

Marty

AzĂșcar said...

Like Marty, I'm losing my breadwinning job, so this season has been a hard one on us. I think I'm coming out of the funk, check back on that one later. I wholeheartedly support a mad-libs style Christmas letter. I might even steal that idea from you.

spitzer said...

everyone wants to accuse marilyn manson of causing shootings and really sad kids. so, who’s going to be the first to accuse bing crosby of suicides during the christmas season? me? bing Crosby and the whole idea of christmas being this wonderful time of year is bull-honky. so, feel bad, you (third person) have the right to it.