Sunday, May 24, 2009

Fix You 
by Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I've been thinking about an article I read recently.  It was about a study a psychologist did involving pre-school kids.  In the study he took the kids aside one at a time and offered them a treat, but told them that if they didn't eat it, he'd give them more in a few minutes.  Then he would leave the room, and come back in a few minutes.  

The interesting thing was that years later he followed up on these kids and the ones the were able to wait had better test scores, went to better colleges, had better jobs, and experienced more success in life than those that didn't.

I've realized that almost all behavior involves choosing between instant gratification and delayed gratification.  If I could just learn to wait, I'd be a much better person.

In business I see this type of decision a lot.  For example, many times a choice that would lead to a quick buck, would produce the opposite result in the long term.  Selling cheap products with wider profit margins has its appeal, but in the long term has many shortfalls.  And I wonder whether most of the economic problems we are currently facing aren't due to a market environment in which instant gratification ruled the day.

The same applies to personal matters.  In fact I would argue that any choice which results in instant gratification is the wrong choice.  All such choices erode and dull our senses, diminishing the real value of consequences, hard work, diligence, and temperance.  For everything worth striving for, there is a shortcut to a counterfeit.  

So I ask myself why it is so hard to make the hard choices.  As Rilke said, "that something is difficult should be all the more reason for us to do it."  Why do I struggle to put off the natural tendency to take the easy route to false pleasure, when I know that the hard route leads to true joy?

I wonder whether I would have eaten the treat or waited for more.  I don't know.  In grade school I always saved my school lunch dessert for last, and I always ate everything I was served. Do you know how good Jello tastes after gagging down soggy spinach?  I do.  Yet I continue to choose instant gratification in so many instances.

I want to have control.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

So I stumbled across Zeebo on Facebook.  Should I:
A) Send her a friend request and see if we can't get the families together for a BBQ
B) Send her a note and  ask her why she felt it necessary to spread nasty rumors about me.
C) Forget I ever found her because she's a psycho hose beast and I don't have a gun, much less a plethora of guns necessitating a gun rack.

The answer is definitely not A, I never want to see her again.  The obvious choice is C.  But part of me really wants to take her to task for the things she said about me.  Then again, it has been over fifteen years since the rumors made their way back to me.  Why reawaken them, right?  But they were really nasty rumors, the kind that ruin reputations for good.  It's very tempting to do something.  

Advice anyone?

Monday, May 04, 2009

This post is not for people with weak stomachs. As some of you may recall, I sometimes do surgery on myself. This twisted little hobby of mine is probably the result of all the recreational self-mutilation I inflicted on myself as a teen for no good reason at all, coupled with my "hands-on" attitude toward all things broken. (I realize that last long sentence could have been written "I do this because I am crazy," but I'm feeling longwinded tonight.)

So a month or so ago I decided to get rid of another lipoma in my right forearm. This time I took pictures.

My forearm, shaved and prepped for surgery.

The Scalpel (My friend Jake gave me a real one, no more razor blades!)

Making an incision

Opening up

A slight squeeze and the little bugger starts to come out

There it is.

Like a little ball of gristle