Sunday, January 10, 2010

I haven't been writing as much, or facebooking as much, or browsing aimlessly as much, since the death of my dear friend iPhone.

This tragedy has had my cyber-self so depressed that it can hardly get out of bed in the morning.  Adding insult to injury, our router broke within two days of iPhone's fatal accident.  Now if I am to indulge in any virtual activities I have to sit in a very uncomfortable chair, in front of a very uncomfortable desk, my spine bent like a capital C, my wrists getting scratched on the particle-board desk-edge as my fingers plunk away at the keys.

However, I haven't replaced my buddies Router and iPhone because I'm finding that real life is pretty good and very worth living.  And my wife likes being able to talk with me without me updating my facebook status on the fly.

Right now though, I'm getting a really good wireless signal from the high school across the street.  (Usually it's pretty spotty and I have to hold my laptop just so to load a page.)

As you know if you've read much of my blog, I've done a lot of stupid things in my life.  For the past year or so, I've dwelt on my most recent stupidity, which time hasn't separated from me enough for it to be funny.  I don't think I'll ever look back on 2009 and laugh, except maybe about losing my kidney.  There's some good material there, but I digress. . .

I want to go back and find something distant enough to be hilarious.  I know that's setting the bar pretty high, especially considering that this is, so far, a free-writing exercise.

I have a bunch of cousins who are really good, interesting people.  Because of the circumstances under which they were born, their scottish ancestry, and their hardscrabble childhoods, they are all tough as nails.  When we were kids we were pretty close, but we drifted apart later when their house in Payson, Utah burned down and for some reason they moved into a haunted house in Durango, Colorado.  They came back to Utah when the poltergeists got the best of them, but unfortunately we were never as close afterwards.

The youngest of these cousins was Jedediah, who passed away a few years ago.  Being at the bottom of the pecking order, he had to get tough right away.  He was still in pampers when one of his brothers hit him with a board and put a splinter in his eye.  He was a cute kid that little Jeddy, but he didn't take crap from anybody.

One time, when Jed was about ten years old, he and my brother Tom wanted to go for a bike ride.  Jed was at our house visiting and didn't have his own bike to ride, so he asked to borrow one.  Somewhere I had acquired a cast-iron rattle-can yellow bike frame that weighed about 400 pounds.  I had been piecing it together with junk parts for the last few weeks, and for some reason, probably selfishness on my part, I let Jed use that bike instead of one that was fully functional.

So he and Tom took off down the hill from our house.  Being the tough little bastard he was, Jed pedaled as hard as he could and picked up lots of speed.

The problem was that the bike only had a coaster brake, which works by pushing the pedals backwards.  These kind of brakes work great unless the chain derails, which it did unfortunately.  With no brakes, Jed blasted through two intersections before t-boning a car and hitting his head on the hood.  I don't remember all of the details but it seems like Jed may have cut one of his fingers and had a seizure.  An ambulance was called, reports were filed.

Man, I can't even tell that story in a humorous way right now.  I guess I'm just not in the mood.

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