Saturday, October 16, 2010

Once upon a time in a magical land there lived four little princesses:  Princess Bouquet, Princess Hugglesworth, Princess Sweetiecakes and Princess Tootington.

Princess Bouquet, as you might imagine, was a lovely girl who was enchanted with flowers.  Everywhere she went, wild flowers bloomed, and she was fond of arranging them in wonderful bundles and giving them to her friends.

Princess Hugglesworth was a very generous spirit who shared her love and kindness with everyone she knew.  Whenever a friend was feeling blue, a warm embrace from Princess Hugglesworth was better than chicken soup.

Princess Sweetiecakes was a talented baker and enjoyed sharing her delicious cakes and cookies with everyone in the kingdom.  As an added bonus, unlike what you would expect of such a stereotypical character, she wasn't chubby at all.

But poor Princess Tootington had none of these desirable talents.  She was the token homely girl found in nearly every group of girl friends.  Oh how she wished she could do the wonderful things her friends could do.  Instead she balanced her time between eating Cabbage (her favorite vegetable), and talking with all the boys that were in love with her friends but too intimidated to talk to them directly.

One day Princesses Bouquet, Hugglesworth, Sweetiecakes and Tootington decided to take a walk in the woods.  Just as you might expect, they encountered a villain.  This particular villain was a woegre, which is what you get when a Wolf and an Ogre love eachother very much and get married.  The woegre roared at the Princesses and declared in no uncertain terms that he intended to eat them up.

Princess Bouquet said, "Oh please Mr. Woegre, don't eat us up!  Here is a lovely floral arrangement to enjoy instead."

But the Woegre said, "No thanks.  I don't go in much for flowers."  And swallowed her up in one bite.

Princess Hugglesworth realized that maybe the woegre was having a bad day and went to give him a big hug.  The woegre swallowed her up before she got a chance.

Princess Sweetiecakes, though most normal people would have run away by now, chose instead to offer the woegre a basket of her delicious baked goods.  The woegre said, "I'll save these for dessert, but I'm still working on the main course."  And with that he swallowed up Princess Sweetiecakes.

Poor Princess Tootington was so scared she didn't know what to do.  She knew she would be next, and she didn't think there was anything she could do about it.  She cowered and shook with fear as the woegre drew closer.  She felt his hot breath on the back of her neck.  Her whole body tensed in terror.  Just then, as the woegre opened his ugly mouth to eat her up, she squeaked out a fart the likes of which had never been smelled or heard in all the land.  This happened right as the woegre inhaled, so he got the brunt of it right at close range.  The terrible smell was like a putrid fist that reached up his nose, grabbed the olfactory centers of his brain, and set them on fire.  He puked up all the other princesses, still alive, and ran into the forest.

The princesses were all very happy because the fairy tale had reached it's logical conclusion and now they could all go take showers and live happily ever after.

And Princess Tootington proudly farted all the rest of her days.